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Those five minutes decided the course of Helen's life. Those five minutes tested her character and found her unworthy of the power entrusted to her. With the knowledge afforded by her years spent in penance, Helen looked back and for the first time, felt the true horror of what she caused that day."No matter what he did to me, I did not have the right to take his life. I wonder if he had a wife and children. I gave no thought that my actions might affect others. I acted as a child does when it is hurt and struck out blindly without thought. What he did was vile and wrong, but he did not kill me. Others have suffered the same horror I did and survived without seeking vengeance. Others used the goodness of their souls to forgive. Instead, I used my power to exact my revenge. I guess the fates decided my face should reflect the ugliness of my blighted soul. I have no right to bewail my unrequited love. All these years I paid lip service to my crime, but never did my heart accept my. Brett told me, “Understanding is seriously over-rated. Acceptance is what is important.” Brett had never had a boyfriend and had never experienced what he called love. He had sex with a couple of guys who came out to him, and on a camping trip spent an entire day in a sleeping bag with another guy. He knew what he was, but only had a little more experience in his realm than I did in mine. Later that day Jack moved the homophobe to another room and moved an older freshman – 23, the oldest of us – into Brett’s room. The new roommate moved in and promptly stripped naked. “Take a look, I don’t mind. Take a feel and I will mind. What you do and with whom you do it is up to you. If you want to bring a date back here and fuck, then be my guest. I plan to, but my dates all have pussies.” Brett’s life improved dramatically after that. We eventually became friends, but never close. We shared no classes and few interests. We remained friends for all four years. We would see one another around.
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